The Quakerism 101 classes and other Adult Religious Education sessions likewise have given participants a better insight into Quaker faith and practice and a fuller understanding of vocal ministry. Friends who have attended the occasional, after-worship “getting-to-know-you” gatherings have said these sessions also have offered opportunities for informal exchanges about how we worship, as well as a way to know one another more personally.

During the past year, we held memorial services for five cherished members of the Meeting. Paradoxically, it was in our grappling together for some understanding of the sudden end to two younger and more vibrant lives that we felt most keenly the importance of ties that bind us. For the Friends who left us in the fullness of their years, we had a shared sense of loss but also an appreciation of lives well spent, both with us and in the larger world.

Work in committees also has bound us together and strengthened the feeling of belonging to the larger Meeting. We often experience a sense of gatheredness in our committee meetings, and individual members feel supported in their personal endeavors by their committee and the Meeting. Committees say they derive “energy” from the larger meeting and feel that they “cannot do it all on their own.” The practice of opening committee meetings with worship and, for some committees, with brief personal “check-ins,” has helped in building and strengthening the community that is our Meeting.

As a Meeting, we are committed to supporting one another in our spiritual journeys and in practical ways that help individuals in their daily lives. This past year the Pastoral Care Committee made better known the availability of financial assistance for our youth to attend BYM summer camps as well as for adults to participate in enrichment programs. In its efforts to provide material support to Friends in difficulty, the committee itself felt affirmed by the willingness of numerous individuals from the broader Meeting who provided assistance. Still the committee recognized that in some circumstances the needs of the individual are beyond the Meeting’s ability to help.

While we feel overall that we have grown and come together as a spiritual community in the last year, we acknowledge that misunderstanding and distrust created divisions in parts of our Meeting. For several months, members of our Religious Education Committee struggled over differing views of the First Day School curriculum. A small group of Friends from outside the committee worked with its members to identify the sources of their differences. While the conflict might have impacted the annual Christmas pageant, the spirit of service to the children and to the meeting as a whole took hold and the pageant became a constructive, productive, and joyous event. New members were added mid-year and provided the committee with needed, positive energy.

The First Day School program continues to offer a three-year cycle of Old Testament, New Testament, and Quakerism which parents generally seem to feel is a good way of presenting religious material. The more recent effort to integrate some elements of three component years into each year’s curriculum improved the presentation, some parents said. We recognize, however, that First Day instruction can only be a part of infusing in our youth what it means to be a Quaker. As one parent said, “We cannot expect the First Day program to have a big impact on children’s understanding of Quakerism when it is only one hour per week.” Still we suspect that our children may be absorbing more religious values than we know. Another mother recounted over-hearing her eight-year-old telling a playmate that he didn’t want to throw rocks at something “because Jesus wouldn’t have done that.”

We continue to seek ways to better engage BFM’s older youth. A few of our high school age teens have participated in the BYM Youth Program and find community there among their peers. But the teens from many of our families do not attend the Meeting’s First Day School program, and some parents are particularly concerned that even the youth who do participate in the program do not find value in the Meeting for Worship.

We recognize that Bethesda Friends Meeting brings together individuals from diverse religious backgrounds and that this can be a source of disquiet to some. There are those who have come to Quakerism, they say, because of its sensitivity and awareness of differences; but they feel that not everyone is attuned to how a choice of words might affect others. We know that whatever words we choose may be alienating to someone, but we should not be reluctant to speak of what we hold sacred. Let us celebrate a willingness to hear, to be sensitive to others, to have a capacity to find significance in what others say. Sometimes as individuals we need to remember that a particular message might not speak to our personal condition, but it may be very meaningful to someone else. And the Meeting should be mindful of the need to be sensitive to the language it uses in its official communications.

The spiritual state of our meeting is growing and evolving. As we consider where we have been in the past year, we know there are questions remaining that we must consider both as a meeting and as individuals. Among them:

How can we better use the conflicts that inevitably arise in ways that lead us to transcendent solutions?

How do we re-involve people who have left our meeting or with whom we have lost touch?

How open are we to change, to what extent are we “stuck in tradition”?

Quakerism is based on corporate worship. How do we better carry the truths that are revealed to us in worship into our day-to-day lives?

1. Silence and Meeting for Worship – The centerSilence, our most profound response to God, is the medium to a slower, quieter self and the means to being present at our center. It enables us to listen deeply, intuit the feeling underlying a message, and provide solace and healing. In silence, we hear more clearly what we are called to say and how to say it in the context of previous messages, building a corporate understanding and contributing to the possibility of a gathered meeting.

Our attempts to listen may cause us to question ourselves. One Friend noted, ‘Sometimes I am led to wonder ‘Why?’ when a message is bothersome.’ Another lamented that at times worship is not so much a shared experience as an experience focused on oneself.

We also wonder under what circumstances the person serving as Head of Meeting should speak up. Some of us want what we find inappropriate cautioned against quickly. Others want us to grow more tolerant and robust by sustaining worship despite distracting statements or noise. Early Friends kept meeting even after the authorities came into their worship places, overturning furniture and pushing them around. Friends simply went outside and worshipped there. We believe that we have made progress in developing a more robust tolerance for noise when the children come into meeting, people arrive late, someone goes out, or the door is open.

2. Children’s spiritual development – Work in progressWe are concerned that we may not be serving our children well. How should we develop their understanding and appreciation for the fact that that we worship in silence? This fundamental idea must be passed along to our young Friends as part of their heritage.

As a meeting, we continue to be concerned about losing touch with our older children and youth. There are notable exceptions of individuals who work generously with our children. In general, however, we adults are not reaching out adequately to provide experiences that are satisfying in themselves and also build the children’s sense of what it means to be a Friend. While we perceive progress in intergenerational contact, we also see the need for proactive outreach to families.

Some suggested activities that have helped teens to be engaged and grow: reading, regular social action (e.g., feeding people), social protest, and workcamps. Other possibilities include involving teens in committees, providing clerking experiences, and urging children to share a joy or sorrow at the end of meeting. The activity lists are,
however, of limited use if we do not use them to demonstrate to the children we want them with us.

As one Friend said, ‘While we do have young people who are engaged with us, we older members and attenders need to ask ourselves what we may do to reach out more effectively to our youth groups [so] they may come to know how much we value their participation in Meeting for Worship. We need also to make it clear that we do want to be available to them as they go through the tough transition from teen years with all the challenges that those years entail. Here there may be openings for some to step forward with a topic or Biblical story for study that might well be examined and thought through in discussions with our young members.’

3. Building our community – Welcoming newcomers and each otherTo strengthen our community, we must open ourselves generously as in the ‘cheerfully’ part of George Fox’s admonition about ‘answering to that of God’ in everyone.

Some newcomers say they sense the caring in BFM for one another and for social justice. We also see that while, at first, newcomers are greeted, we may neglect them when they are no longer completely new, but still not easy joining the circles that form during coffee hour, let alone participating in the business of the meeting. We need to make sure everyone is engaged in our community. One Friend said that he had felt the need to share experience with a group so he wouldn’t feel alone. As he expressed this he evoked, unknowingly, the practice of worship sharing.

The work we must engage in is consistent with our common desire for exchanges that are genuine, open, and thoughtful. Our empathy became engaged and we were challenged as a Friend said ‘We are all trying to grow and all need help to do so, even the awkward speaker who talks too much or too strangely. Keep him/her here rather than pushing them away. Help her/him.’ Another said ‘we are responsible for the corporate state of the meeting – must support it in many ways so it stays healthy and grows (perhaps in numbers, but spiritual growth is primary) – welcome others, especially families.’

One worrisome response voiced continuing discomfort with the minute we sent in response to a 2008 request from BYM for input about its relationship with FUM. We prepared our response after many sessions of various sorts (e.g., worship-sharing, informative, threshing) and after reaching a sense of the meeting that our advice was to end the formal relationship. Nonetheless, this Friend said that ‘those who were strident’ held sway over the outcome. There are those in the meeting with whom this statement resonated. Others found the decision to be rightly ordered and derived from a process that they described as gathered and profound. The worrisome aspects of this discomfort include the fact that some Friends did not feel able to voice their concerns either at the time the minute was being considered or since then, until speaking about the spiritual state of our meeting. Does this apparent reticence suggest a lack of trust on this issue, and perhaps others, that we need to address?

As we reflect further, we recognize times when we were generous and our giving was
welcome. One Friend spoke of the concern for him expressed when he was dealing with a stressful home situation. He was touched and very appreciative. Friends also were grateful for activities engaged in by BFM as a community, such as potlucks, the Spring Fling, and Catoctin weekends. Activities like these help new and old become or stay involved in the meeting community, feeling they belong to something substantial.

One Friend celebrated the meeting’s rich and complicated sense of community as cherished in DC, where such community is rare.’ Another that the meeting community ‘allows and encourages folks to leave past failings behind and strive to be the best they can be.’ Others spoke of an atmosphere that is not too theistic and where spirituality does not depend on dogma, a community and the individuals in it that are not self-important, and the practice of sharing of a spiritual search or journey.

4. From intellectual to spiritual – Listen with all you haveThe question of what is ‘spiritual’ was raised several times. Two descriptions were quite thoughtful. First that ‘a spiritual person is peaceful, well-centered, and a careful listener at peace with self.’ Second, Quaker history emphasizes ‘the passage in Galatians enumerating the ‘fruits of the spirit.’ Teaching those to children should show them how to handle difficult others – it is a source of power.’

One Friend offered this: ‘I can understand, and sometimes even feel upset as well, about current crises or events but I need and want to deepen my spiritual development and this brief time on First Day is special/rare—I need and want the solace and guidance of reaching within to listen for God’s guidance, especially when I am struggling with some of my own work and activities.’

As we discussed ways to develop spiritually and to apply spiritual gifts, we returned to our first theme. Humans are inherently spiritual and we must relate to each other openly. We must consider each offered message through what it may mean to its bearer. The responsibility to do so stems from our belief that one’s spiritual center can find the best in others since it is the seat of the inner light. The attempt may open an opportunity to take the message deeper. That is another responsibility. It is also a form of welcoming born of a generous energy that transforms our openness and that of seekers who come to us into insight, focus, and, perhaps, centered depth. The extent to which we offer such welcome is an index of the health of our generosity, vulnerability, and vitality.

In conclusion, part of being a Friend is growing in the light. We cannot grow unless we use our life force energy to reach out, cheerfully and deliberately to others in the world. As we progress, our life force may grow palpable to others, resonant and compelling. Our giving may become the practice of generosity–constantly providing assistance. Children are naturally vital and open. In time, these gifts may energize their acquisition of insights, generosity, and focus. Such growth may be expedited if adults, using our own generosity, model our spiritual gifts in ways the children may observe, understand, and apply. And we may regain childlike delight as one of our resources.

Our clearest message, this year, was a powerful desire to deepen our spirituality. In worship we are engaged in ways that can move us from insight to depth of understanding, from focus to centeredness, from giving on occasion to being generous by nature, and – strange as it may seem – from being open sometimes to accepting and then embracing the vulnerability that comes as a necessary complement to openness and which is required to fully realize our potential. As these transformations unfold, our insights accumulate until we reach a point where depth is our milieu. Our ability to focus also deepens as we grow more capable of finding our center, the place where our ‘That of God’ is, and that connects us to others and to the universe. Truly centered, we stand in the light rid of roles, cares, pretense, and vanity. We can only approach such a place in the company of our beloved friends.

Changes occur, also, in the ways in which we incorporate our children into the life of our Meeting. After many years of beginning Meeting for Worship with them present, we are now experimenting with bringing them into Meeting at the end of the hour. Nurturing our youth is one of the more important calls we are trying to answer within our community.

Celebrating the lives of those who are no longer with us is also part of a living Meeting. We were privileged to share in the life of Mariah Steinwinter Kochavi, who died from complications following a stroke. We also recently celebrated the life of Hans Muller, husband of long-time member Tilly Muller.

BYM is sponsoring Arthur Larrabee and his traveling workshop Clerking and Leadership in Quaker Meetings & Committees at Bethesda on Saturday, February 20th from 9:00 – 3:30. We hope to see many of you at our Meeting then (contact the YM office for more details).

• What does centering mean to you?
• How well do we center for Meeting for Worship?
• As a community, are we more centered, or more scattered?
• What might we do to be more centered more of the time?
• How well does our community nourish and inform your spiritual development?

These resulted in a series of rather wide-ranging, challenging, and enlightening discussions summarized here.

Conversation around the meaning of centering went in two directions; Centering as an individual activity, and centering as a corporate undertaking. Personal centering was described as a process of pulling the attention inward, of trying to be present in the moment. It is deeper and more spiritual than focusing, which is felt by some to be a more mental process. Centering has a physical element as the breathing slows and one becomes aware of visceral clues. Some feel that effective centering begins before Meeting starts; some arrive early to settle, and others try to find ways to settle while driving or walking to the meeting house. One friend found that a sort of mantra – God loves us, God loves this meeting, God loves this meeting through the message-giver – was powerfully helpful in preparing for Meeting for Worship. Others use prayers, images, and poems like icons to gain access to the presence of God.

We find that when the Meeting for Worship is collectively centered, the quality of the silence as well as the messages is different. When messages build on one another, developing or expanding upon the messages that come before, centering arises, while a more fluttered Meeting results when messages come too close together or are jarringly different in theme or tone. This latter phenomenon suggests a need for our meeting to improve its listening skills and habits and to find bridges between apparently divergent messages. Some find that the Meeting centers earlier when the children don’t come in until later, while others find the arrival of the children energizing in itself; we are seeking ways to make the presence of our children a rich Meeting experience for child and adult alike. The very presence of certain members of the meeting sometimes helps us center.

There is some difference of opinion on the question of how well we center for Meeting for Worship. Some feel we do it quite well, especially when compared to larger meetings or those with a larger proportion of visitors to regular attenders and members. It was noted that the ongoing Experiment with Light sessions based on Rex Ambler’s book Light to Live By has helped some approach centering more effectively. Others feel we don’t do it easily, in as much as we are a collection of folks with many facets to our lives, Bethesda Monthly Meeting being but one. We sometimes lament the fact that we gather only for worship, and find other communities for other needs. It was mentioned that we have lost a common core of reading and reflecting. While we have forums on the Bible and Quaker writings, it was suggested that online discussions could enhance our common knowledge. We struggle with the diversity of cultures in our meeting, sometimes failing to recognize and appreciate the significance of a practice or symbol before pointing out its divergence from Quaker tradition; one gave an example of a First Day School lesson on simplicity that inadvertently was felt as a criticism of a culture that remembers and reveres departed family members with metal bracelets. We examined ways to make our clearness process more of a gift than a burden, speaking of a need to convey responsibility while being welcoming and affirming.

There is a similar range of thought on the question of how centered we are as a community. It was noted that other communities rely more on their meetings for their social relationships, while we are busier and have less time to gather outside of Meeting for Worship. We find that the fact that the meeting is not the primary community for many makes it difficult to address some needs. Some find that the lack of our own meeting house works against centeredness as we find we cannot have a spontaneous gathering or freely access the library during the week. Most felt that as a result of constant attention, we do a remarkably good job of being centered, especially when one considers the possible distractions. We noted that our examination of our relationship to Friends United Meeting has led us to consider a number of aspects of our community, including openness and centeredness.

We asked what we might do to be more centered more of the time. Some asked if this was needed. Others asked if it was possible given the nature of the community. Some suggested opportunities to gather before Meeting for Worship – having coffee hour before Meeting, or holding 9:30 programs as a warm-up to centering. We need to remind ourselves that it takes time and energy from each of us to create a centered Meeting. The extent to which more of us can be in worship before Meeting begins will enhance the experience for all.

Our question about our community’s effect on spiritual development sparked some discussion around the meaning of the term spiritual. Some felt it was difficult to describe, while others characterized it as “whatever is beyond.” We came to recognize that we all have a spiritual journey, even if some of us have more dramatic milestones than others. We place much value in simply coming together quietly, and we find relatively brief messages that are more universal and related to other messages enhance a centered Meeting more easily.

In short, we are a meeting that puts thought and attention toward the effort to be centered, both within the Meeting for Worship and as a spiritual community. It is felt that we have made much progress, but we have a ways to go in our quest to have “gathered” Meetings, perhaps in worship sharing sessions and other assemblages dedicated to centering. We know that we will be a stronger meeting to the extent that we include our children and youth, and we continue to struggle to find ways to do so effectively. We find that as we attend to our personal centering, we contribute to collective centering, which helps bring about the centered working community we seek.

A goodly number of members and attenders, including a couple of children, responded to the invitation from Ministry and Worship to consider five questions related to our spiritual state. Out of these responses, which are summarized below, we find that many come to Meeting with the same hopes for spiritual enrichment and peace, and that they are often refreshed and feel a sense of a community that is spiritually searching and rewarding.

What do you bring to Meeting?

Yearning and hope, but also a struggle with the incursions of problems and concerns of the world are repeated themes. While one member humbly thought he brought “very little” to the Meeting, in the next breath he said, “calm presence” and a “strong spiritual core,” both of which are vital contributions. Some felt, like Martha in the Bible, that their major contribution was financial or service-oriented, and that perhaps they were not ones who felt comfortable speaking. But even some of these folks admitted that they also brought an “intention to listen for that of God within myself and others,” or “a ready ear to listen, ready hand to help, and ready feet to go with and where the Meeting needs me.” “I would like to say I bring a loving willingness to share a special reflection if prompted by the Spirit,” another member said, but she is not always sure she knows when that prompting is happening. Another said she brings “a deep and profound love of our Meeting,” and feels it “is a rope securing my moorings; an anchor through troubled times.” A child said she brings “peace and love.”

What do you receive from Meeting?

The major response here was the sense of community, of spiritual nurturing, fellowship, and of calm and peace. “I feel gathered in God’s name,” wrote a member, while another said it made him feel “rooted in a rootless society.” Meeting is a place where we can “[listen] to others, their inspiration, their struggle, hopes, and experiences.” It is a place to receive “spiritual nourishment” and “the friendship and fellowship” of others. It brings “all the benefits of silence [with the] absence of the dailyness of life.” “I benefit greatly from heartfelt messages that speak to me,” one member wrote, “and from an appreciation of others in the Meeting.”

Another member said that she feels deep gratitude in the silence of the Meeting; “the searching I do, I can do nowhere else so deeply as in this sharing room of other searching spirits.” One member noted a feeling of special support from the Meeting when his father died. The child said that she receives from Meeting a sense of calm.

What keeps you coming to Meeting?

Gratitude was a repeated response as well as a need for silence, for refreshment, for peace. “I need to understand what is meaningful and bigger than myself and my immediate family,” wrote one parent, while another commented, that it is “a community of concern” that provides “an environment for raising our kids.” “I keep coming to Meeting as I cannot imagine myself not,” said one Friend, who added: “Of course not every Meeting for worship is inspired or revelatory, but even its sometimes-ordinariness is endearing, and the greeting of like-minded friends is itself a giving and exchanging.” “I really like being part of a community where the assumption is that one has a spiritual life,” wrote one woman, “that one can be a seeker, not have the answers, and yet still be a deeply spiritual person.”

Two other Friends echoed these thoughts. One said that she is looking for the Light within herself and her neighbor; “I continue to come back searching to be known, and by being known, to be loved,” she wrote. A second remarked on “the quality of the silence,” “the freedom to explore my inner beliefs and feelings, [and] the chance to five to others.” Another Friend wrote that her need to go to Meeting is so strong, she will sometimes attend churches in foreign countries, or find other Meetings that extend the feeling of Quaker fellowship.

What do you think the spiritual state of the Meeting is?

The responses here were more diverse and reflected some sense of uncertainty about how to respond to this question. “Dynamic,” “changing,” “shifting,” and “alive,” were some of the terms used about the Meeting. Someone thought that the recent discussions involving FUM have awakened the Meeting; “we need to challenge ourselves and each other more explicitly,” he said. Someone else added that these discussions have helped us to learn and listen “to one another thoughtfully and prayerfully,” and to be more aware of the need to be more welcoming of difference in our midst. While one person felt that we tend to be “possessed” by politics at times, others wrote that “political action follows silent meditation,” and that “people are trying hard to understand and work within the Quaker process.”

Someone remarked on the lack of leadership from younger (30s, 40s) members of the Meeting, while another person commented that we should “nurture more leadership within” the Meeting, and that people should be encouraged to participate, since some may not feel that we would value their gifts or experiences. Another member is concerned about “the spiritual state of our young people’s Meeting,” remarking that there “is generally very little vocal ministry during the first 15 minutes of our Meeting while the young folks are still there.” While noting some of our weaknesses, most respondents had a positive feeling about the spiritual state of our Meeting. “The quality of the Meeting depends upon what each of us make[s] of it and what we contribute to each other,” one Friend wrote.

Another said, “I am sure that the Meeting cannot answer the needs and wants of all who come to us, nor all who stay in continuing search, but the continuing health of the meeting seems to me to indicate that our spiritual state is probably sound and satisfying for many of us and for [the] others we must examine ourselves and try to be open to needs we are blind to or don’t meet.”

How can the spiritual state of the Meeting be improved?

Friends expressed a desire for “continued openness to difference”; for “a willingness to hear unhappiness or concern about whether the Meeting is as welcoming as we believe.” “The Meeting could do more to honor and celebrate the spiritual, cultural, ethnic, and gender diversity that is already in our midst.” “We want to be more self-examining all through the year, carefully monitoring ourselves in hospitality to visitors and new attenders.” Spiritually, “we need to pray, think, and work to improve the quality of our vocal ministry to one another. Some souls are troubled and speak in a quirky manner or even leave the Meeting. Have we followed up with them as well as we might? We often have too many, ill-considered messages” that sound like quasi-religious book or film reviews, rather than messages that are led by the Spirit.

Everyone must realize that each of us has a collective responsibility “for the quality of our Meeting’s spiritual state.” The quality of listening is as important as the quality of speaking. We should listen to find something of value in each message, and not just think about what we might want to say next. It would behoove us to “listen more and speak only when [we] cannot remain sitting any longer, keeping in mind that the best messages come from the heart and are short and succinct.” One Friend suggested using resources such as Pendle Hill to help “cultivate the spirit in our midst”; we sponsor many events that focus on social action but few on nurturing the spirit. We should have a “wider appreciation of what a gathered Meeting is, and how to work towards it.”

Summary

The voices we have heard tell us that while most seem to feel they are participating in a meaningful religious experience at our Meeting, there is room for growth and improvement. The soul-searching and concerns voiced above are indicative of a Meeting that is alive, self-aware, and striving to improve our individual and collective spiritual
lives.